The First Time
Sharing yourself sexually for the first time is an important step, and one
that should not be taken lightly. You will likely remember this encounter
forever, and it may influence your feelings about sex and love, so make sure
your first experience is a positive one. Let's say for Rachel who have a
fear of sleeping with the wrong person as she's only 26 and have never been
sexually active and she want it to be special. Well, the fear isn't necessary,
but her concern that the first time should be special is warranted. make sure
your first lover is considerate, caring, thoughtful, and giving. Be proud, not
ashamed, of being a virgin until then.
Men, too, have anxieties about their first time. For example, Barry who is 22
and is still a virgin. He met a girl who wants to have sex, but He's really
nervous. What should he do? It's natural to feel silly, embarrassed, or ashamed
about being inexperienced -- especially when you think everyone else is sexually
sophisticated. Don't try to pretend that you are experienced; share your
nervousness and appreciate your naiveté.
A caring partner will appreciate your honesty
and the opportunity to teach you. If not, walk away -- this is not a person to
trust with your intimate feelings.
You can eliminate some performance pressures by
talking together. Agree to take it slow, and that things may not be as great as
you both expect. Spend some evenings just exploring one another's bodies through
massage. Give each other feedback on where and how you like to be touched,
making a more natural flow into lovemaking.
Too many men and women express regrets to me
about their first time -- that they felt pressured into having sex, that it
wasn't special enough. Don't do it just to "get it (virginity) over
with." Think before you act, so you'll have no regrets later.