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Letting Go: The 18 Steps
Step 8. Accept your responsibility, not as a way of blaming yourself, but to
learn. Go over all the sides of the story. Was he mean, cruel, insensitive?
Blame him, and then face up to the fact that you pick men like that. For
example, Francine realized she wanted Paul to be what he wasn't. She had
overrated him and expected more from him than he was able to give, overlooking
an obvious problem -- he had said he wasn't looking for a commitment.
Step 9. Reaffirm that you deserve to be treated well. Remember how you would
treat a child or best friend -- you would be loving, protective, and reassuring.
Treat yourself that way.
Step 10. Do a "relationship review." Recognize the patterns in your
past relationships to prevent the same problems in the future. What type of
person do you go for? What happened at every stage -- who started the
relationship, who made the decisions, what was the tone of the relationship
(fun, sharing feelings, fighting), what did you do together (music, art, ideas,
books, movies), who ended it? If you see a pattern that displeases you -- you're
always the caregiver, you try to "buy" love, you're frequently
attracted to people who are already involved -- make it a point to make changes.
Step 11. Indulge in pleasure. Make a list of things that make you feel good:
getting a massage, listening to music, taking a walk. Indulge in these pleasures
at least one a day.
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