Is This Going Anywhere?
So you've been out with this person a few times, but you're still not sure if
she is really interested in you or if this is "it." You will likely
ask yourself, "Is this going anywhere?" or "Am I wasting my
time?" Chances are, if you have to ask, be cautious. It means that things
are not flowing so smoothly. If you are not really enjoying each other, you will
feel right about continuing to be together. As soon as you start wondering about
whether you are wasting your time, you might be.
Timing is everything. Be aware that some people need time to let a
relationship grow, while others jump right in and go for broke. If you styles
clash, you won't be on the same wavelength. Keep alert to each other's pace for
developing a relationship.
Give it time. You could be surprised. Sometimes the fire is a flash in the
pan, and when you really get to know the person, you realize you are not right
for each other. Or, over time, you could see things that you didn't notice at
first. He may not seem to be your type, but you fall for him anyway over time.
That happened for Jody. As she said, "I don't usually like men with round
cheeks, a beard, or a hairy chest, but I met a man who looks like that and I
think I'm falling in love with him. How can that be and won't I fall out of love
with him eventually?"
Like Jody, nearly all women and men have a distinct concept of what
constitutes a desirable mate. These eligibility criteria extend from background
and personality traits to specific physical characteristics. Many surveys have
proven that 8 out of 10 men put physical characteristics on the to of their
list, while women rate personality as most important, with looks ranking fourth
or lower. Therefore, it is not unsurprising that Jody is more interested in what
this man is like as a person than what he looks like.
While women can still specify details about men they find physically
appealing or unappealing (hair, height, build), they can more easily than men
suspend such judgments when confronted with a suitor who does not fit that type
yet who still captures their heart. Remember the truth of the idiom that looks
fade. Identify those qualities of his that you appreciate, and keep
concentrating on those.
Instead of affection diminishing, as Jody fears, her more substantive
appreciation of this man can grow. In fact, some women have found men who are
initially physically unattractive but personally endearing to actually appear
more handsome over time, as the man treats them well and their intimacy together
grows. Some men these days are getting the hang of this, too.