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Saying No to Sex
It's essential in this new millennium to put an end to the fear of saying
"no" to sex.
It boils my blood when people feel pressured to have sex. This isn't just a
problem for women. Men often feel pressure, too. It takes a lot of security to
say no. But I urge you, if that's how you feel, to say no! Don't worry about
sounding foolish, being embarrassed, or ruining any spontaneity. It's better to
be sure about such an important decision, so there are no misunderstandings or
poor choices.
Valerie was so nervous about when to have sex, it even kept her from dating:
"I get so nervous when guys ask me out. I keep thinking that somehow, sex
will come up. It makes me so nervous that I never go out with anyone."
Realize that YOU have control over what happens. Valerie's nervousness is
extreme and implies some sort of early trauma or bad experience. In any case,
recognize that you can readily set the limits. At the beginning of a date, if
you feel any pressure, spell out your intentions. Be direct. You can say
something like, " I find you attractive, and I want to go out with you, but
I don't want to imply that I will jump into bed. That's a really important step
for me that takes time."
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