Reading the Warning Signs

Most of us can tell if a relationship is going sour, but often we want to ignore even the most obvious clues. You've got to trust your instincts. Here are some telltale signs that you are about to get dumped:

• She stops returning your phone calls.
• He has endless excuses for why you can't get together.
• She displays affection less frequently (not holding you, not returning a hand squeeze).
• She talks about "me" instead of "we."
• He never talks about future plans.
• She ignores intimate talk ("I really like you," "We get along so well together") when you raise it.
• He's inattentive and distant.
• She's slowly removing all of her personal items from your house.

When you're smitten, it's easy to ignore signals that a relationship is going south. And it's natural to want to make the one you love love you -- especially if that person considers himself hard to catch. 

Cathy's is a typical story. "I've been seeing this guy who lately has been rather indifferent and mean. I've also heard he's been seeing another woman. But I don't want to lose him. how can I get him to see that I'm the right one for him?"

Imagine hitting your head against the wall. Does it hurt yet? If it doesn't, would you hit it harder? When will it hurt so much that you'll be forced to stop banging against the wall? Consider emotional pain like that physical pain: When will your heart hurt so bad that you stop running after people who make you unhappy? Imagine that every time your heart is broken, your heart muscle gets chipped and torn. Be as protective with your emotions as you would be with your body.

Finally, I'm frequently asked if bad sex is a good reason to end a relationship. Yes and no. Bad sex is often just a smokescreen for other problems: lack of communication, lack of attention, unresolved hurt or anger, lack of trust, and more. Before condemning a relationship because of bad sex, carefully explore the reasons behind it. Having no sex is a warning sign that something is wrong, since it indicates a withdrawal from closeness, intimacy, and sharing.