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THE PITFALLS OF CONVERSATION
You might be good at small talk, but still face certain pitfalls. To refine
your technique and really be good at capturing -- and keeping -- someone's
attention, keep in mind the following.
Rambling
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and you feel like you can
put down the phone, or even walk a way, and they would still be talking and
wouldn't know the difference? That happens when feel you are being talked
"at" instead of being talked "with." Talking "at"
people comes from chattering on about yourself without being connected to the
person who is listening. They key is to engage the other person in what you are
saying so she feels involved. You can prevent doing this with certain
techniques:
- Hesitate while you are talking to give your date space to jump in and
react.
- Stop after talking awhile and ask a question that involves your date.
You can ask for this opinion ("What do you think about that?") or her
understand ("Do you know what I mean?") or empathy ("Can you
imagine how that feels?"). If you are ready to turn the attention to your
date, you can ask about a related experience ("Has anything like that ever
happened to you?").
- Use your date's name every now and then to let her know you know to whom
you are talking.
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